The Ultimate Role Model for Young Girls
Scott went to Toys R Us in search of a boy Barbie for Fluffy's birthday. All he could find was an expensive Rollerblading Ken with too many accessories. Therefore, we came up with the following suggestions for Barbie and Ken line extensions:

Sexually-Active Barbie
Crackhouse Barbie
Gangsta Barbie
STD Barbie
IBS Barbie (Irritable Bowel Syndrome)
Incontinent Barbie
Nip `n Tuck Barbie
Liposuction Barbie
Botox Barbie
Bulimic Barbie
South Bay Barbie (minivan and overextended credit)
Viagra Ken
Male Pattern Baldness Ken
We-Ho Ken
Mid-life Crisis Ken (fat, bald, driving a Porsche)
Pussy-Whipped Ken - oh wait, that's redundant

Dashes are our Friends
For a copywriter, my grammar and punctuation skills aren't so great. So I need to keep looking things up in my Chicago Manual of Style and New York Public Library Writer's Guide to Style and Usage. I spent a good part of the afternoon reading up on dashes and hyphens. I went to share all this wonderful information with the graphic designers. Boy, did I take a beating in there.

"So I was reading up on dashes and I think..."

"Where the hell do you read up on that kind of stuff?"
"Were you saving the racy stuff, like semi-colons, for the weekend?"
"NERD!!"

So has anyone read "Eats Shoots and Leaves" yet?

Granny Wild Flower
Technically, I'm old enough to be a grandmother. In theory, Fluffy could be my granddaughter instead of my daughter. So I told her to start calling me grandma once in a while just to see how people react.

So, anyway, I went to Trader Joe's recently to buy some wine and the cashier asked me for I.D. I told her, "Oh, you're kidding! You're really going to be surprised." She took a look at my license and started asking the other cashiers, "How old do you think she is? You'll never guess!" Then she told me that it's good to look younger so I can date guys ten or fifteen years younger, and they're way better than older guys. Hmmm...

Fluffy is Seven
My little fluffball is seven. It was kind of a non-descript birthday day, since she had to go to summer camp and I had to go to work.

I brought cupcakes to her basketball practice, and we sang a lackluster "Happy Birthday" before everyone ran off.

We went to Ruby's (her favorite restaurant) for the annual birthday macaroni and cheese.

Happy birthday, my fluffy-headed friend!

Love-Love
This morning, a client gave Vickey tickets to the JPMorganChase tennis classic, so we ditched work for a couple of hours (an extra-long lunch hour) and drove down to the Home Depot Center in Carson. Wow! We had some great seats! We actually wanted to see Serena Williams play, but she was scheduled for later in the afternoon and we had to get back to work. But it was still fun to be out there in the middle of the day, when everyone's supposed to at work, pretending to be part of the privileged set. Ha ha!

We had so much fun that tonight we took our families with us to watch more tennis. Tickets in the general admission section were only $5. I was stuck in a late meeting at work, so Guido took the kids, and I caught a ride later with Vickey.

Those women tennis players are STRONG. The daytime players were serving around 80-95 mph. The nighttime players were serving over 100mph and it was good!

Countdown to Cheese
Fluffy's been counting the days to her birthday and party. Two more days to birthday, eleven more to party. She can't read yet, so I can say that Scooter and I bought charms for her bracelet. And I got her a Groovy Girl. And a fancy headband. And that's it, coz her party is going to cost me $500. I can't believe we indulge our kids that much. I never had a birthday party when I was a kid or as an adult. I did get to invite two friends to eat dinner with us at Kula Lodge when I was ten. That was as extravagant as it got.

This Blog-Builder Sucks
What the hell happened to all my entries for July?! This sucks!

Okay, my July entries are back. This sure is unreliable.

The Grove
Fluffy had another basketball game yesterday. Afterward, we drove up to The Grove to shop at Nordstrom. People think I'm nuts to drive so far just to shop or eat, but I love going on little adventures. Life in suburbia is good, but a little boring.

Parking was a b*#%@. I drove around and around, using up precious free parking minutes. In the meantime, I spotted quite a few slugbugs (our own little game). I finally parked in the very last spot on the roof!

We spent too much money at Nordstrom (but got free parking for it), hung out by the dancing water fountain, then went to Barnes & Noble to read books.

What a nice day!

I love hanging out with Fluffy!

World Team Tennis II
Since the kids just wrapped up a week at tennis camp on Friday, we got up early on Saturday and walked over to the tennis court with our racquets and a bucket of balls. Boy, even at 8:30 in the morning, it sure was hot. It was still fun. I don't think they learned very much in that one week of camp. I had given them a crash course the previous Sunday night, and they were at about that same point this weekend. Oh well, I guess if we keep going, they'll get the hang of it.

Found out that Nordstrom's anniversary sale started the day before, so that's where we spent Saturday afternoon! Fluffy has a lot of new clothes for school now. Got some shirts and shorts for Scooter, but he likes Quiksilver and even the sale price is pretty high, so he didn't get very much.

That night we went down to Hyatt Newporter for a World Team Tennis match. Actually, Scooter did learn something - what a volley is. So we kept calling it everytime they did a volley or a smash. We didn't get to see any really famous tennis stars. Maria Sharapova is on our team, and Anna Kournikova plays for the other team, but neither one was there. It was still very nice to be out at night.

Akai Swim School
Took both kiddies to Fluffy's swimming lesson yesterday and let Scooter swim on his own while Fluffy had her lesson. Fluffy can kind of swim now. She can actually move forward while horizontal. But she has to stop when she needs more air. And to push her hair out of her face. And wipe her eyes (which she keeps closed anyway).

Scooter still has good form, but he is so out of shape. He got tired swimming across the pool just once, and anyone familiar with Akai knows how small the pool is. I thought all the running around he does everyday would keep him in shape, but I guess not.

Every year I have the same complaint about Akai. It's just a social club for the lifeguards. I watched yesterday as they all chatted with each other at one end of the pool and were oblivious to the kids in the pool. They tease and flirt with each other while kids are forcing each other's heads under the water, and every so often they stop to yell at someone, and then return to their flirting and chatting. Last year Fluffy said a couple of them were even smooching. I guess they can afford high liability insurance; we pay about a hundred bucks for a total of 45 minutes of personal instruction. (Figure it out: 9 30-minute classes, 6 kids in a class = 5 mins a day for 9 days = 45 mins) Family members are allowed in the pool, but it costs $3 pp each time. What do public pools charge?

Polynesian Cultural Center
Gee, it's rains every single #@%*ing day.

We walked down to the International Bazaar or whatever it's called to buy overpriced trinkets. Fluffy bought a slipper necklace (and one for Lauren, too). Scooter finally got a necklace, but not kukui nuts or puka shells. The vendor was kind of B.S.ing us until I said I was from Maui. Then she said the puka shells are really clam shells. And she dropped the price for us. By then Scooter decided he didn't want puka shells and got this other shell necklace that looks kind of like broken pieces of shells. Maybe it reminds him of shark teeth. He's always intrigued by shark tooth necklaces.

We headed out to the Polynesian Cultural Center in Laie, and took the scenic route, around Hawaii Kai. Around the Crouching Lion it started to rain really hard. Since we had already paid a fortune for tickets, there was no way we were going to turn back. The scenic route took longer than Guido thought (even though I told him it would take a long time), and we got to PCC kinda late.

There's a bunch of villages, and each village has activities and shows at set times. It's impossible to see all the shows, do the activities and see the IMAX movies if you're also planning to do the luau. You can use your pass to come back within three days, but realistically, how many tourists are going to drive all the way out there again.

Anyway, one of the guides was nice enough to tell us to make sure we visited the Marquesas since that island group wouldn't be featured in the night show. We also visited Samoa, where Scooter and Fluffy learned how to make fire by rubbing two sticks together. (It really does work, but the trick is to use two pieces from the SAME TREE and peel the bark off the sticks.) And we visited Tonga.

We threw spears at a coconut tree, and Fluffy and Scooter went fishing. Scooter caught a big fish.

The luau was pretty good. I always wondered how they cook a whole pig without it falling apart under all those rocks. Duhhh... They wrap it in chicken wire and put it on TOP of the hot rocks and cover the whole thing with banana leaves. Neat.

The night show was really good. Fluffy was literally sitting on the edge of her seat. Of course, everyone went wild when the Tahitian dancers came out. Scooter loved the fire dancer (of course). I'm always partial to the Hawaiian dancers.

We drove home through town instead. I am so lame. Is it Likelike Highway or Pali Highway where you go through the Wilson Tunnel? Well, anyway, that's how we came home.

Remember Pearl Harbor
We are definitely on Hawaii time now, waking up around 7:30 and not leaving the hotel until around 10:00. Damn! We're wasting precious daylight hours!

Since we can't afford TWO frou-frou dinners on this trip, instead of eating at the nice Sam Choy's for dinner, we ate breakfast at Sam Choy's Breakfast Lunch & Crab. Crab? I had a kalua pig omelette and Guido had a poke omelette. Perfect Atkins fare. But the pants are starting to get a little snug.

Visited the Arizona Memorial and the (U.S.S.?) Missouri. Pretty impressive ship, and the memorial is kind of creepy. They show a little movie before the boat ride out to the memorial. I wish I could get a copy of that video. Hard to believe little ol' Hawaii played such a crucial role in America's history. I think most people kind of forget about Pearl Harbor.

Of course, we stayed at Pearl Harbor too long and had to rush back to the hotel to shower before we headed to Hawaii Kai to join Leann's family at Roy's for dinner. Wow! No traffic on Kalanianaole Hwy. We were still late since we couldn't find the place.

Dinner was quite good. Kids had the overpriced prix fixe 3-course dinner, which was very exciting, since a kid meal usually has everything slopped onto one melamine tray. Guido and I both had fish, but prepared in different ways. He also had a crabcake appetizer and I had tofu. I think Leann and Russell had short ribs and prawns. The waiter was such a local guy. You can dress 'em up, but you can't take out the local out of the blalah. He was joking with us and was just so laid back. The desserts were awesome. We even took pictures. Such tourists. Then we hung around in the parking lot for another hour or two talking story while the kids played Leann's new car.

Beach Day
Amanda must have had a lot of fun with us yesterday, coz Lisa called this morning and asked if Amanda could hang out with us today. We were supposed to get together with Guido's friend John in the morning, so we told her we'd pick up Amanda after brunch.

I could have sworn Yum Yum Tree was at the Ward Centre, but Guido and John insisted it was at Ward Warehouse by the Spaghetti Factory. Ha! I was right! Of course, nobody listens to me, so we went to W Warehouse and then had to turn around and go to W Centre.

I don't know why people like Yum Yum Tree so much. The food sucked! Maybe it was my fault for ordering an artichoke pesto omelette. They ran out of artichokes and subsituted with more mushrooms, onions and red peppers. And cheddar cheese! With basil pesto! Local people should stick to cooking local food.

Anyway, Guido's friend John is very nice. Even nerdier than Guido, but very kind and gracious.

After brunch, we went back to Ward Warehouse (just couldn't get away from that place) so I could get matching T-shirts for Fluffy & me from Taj.

We picked up Amanda and went off to the beach in Kahala. It used to be the Kalaha Hilton, but now it's Mandarian Oriental at Kahala or something like that. The water wasn't that clear, but it was very calm, and there was a diving platform which Amanda, Scooter & I swam out to and jumped off of.

We took showers at the hotel and had dinner at Cheesecake Factory in the Royal Hawaiian Shopping Center. I wouldn't normally eat at a Cheesecake Factory, since there's one right by our house, but Amanda had never eaten there, so we had dinner there and bought extra slices of cheesecake to take with us. I swear, that had to be the biggest restaurant I've been in. It was huge! And this is kind of weird - it's 80 degrees and they had lit torches next to the outside tables.

We walked around Waikiki a little bit. One of the shopping plazas (maybe Waikiki Shopping Plaza) had a store with an aquarium in it. Pretty cool. Those walk-through tubes seem to be very popular, but it was weird to have one in a store. They had the requisite sharks and manta rays and assorted fish. You could see it from inside and outside the store, which was on the corner.

Duck-Hunting
Mood:  mischievious
Fluffy & Amanda were eating Pringles and putting them in their mouths to look like duck lips. I said, "Oh, there's a little family of ducks." Scooter came along, "And I'm the hunter. Pow!" [sound and gesture of a shotgun]

Chili Burritos
We're still on California time. Woke up around 4:00 a.m. and forced ourselves to stay in bed until at least 5:30. It's nice to get an early start, though, so we can make the most of the day. Had breakfast at Zippy's (chili burrito - yeah!), stocked up on bottled water and misc. supplies at Longs & Times, and headed to Waimea Bay for some swimming.

I LOVE driving through the country. Brings back good memories of cruising with Leann on the weekends. We stopped at the Dole Plantation just outside of Wahiawa. Took a little train ride and a walking tour; got reacquainted with the local vegetation and crops, and learned a lot about pineapples. Fed hundreds of fish in the giant koi pond. Then we broke into teams (Fluffy & me, and Guido & Scooter) and went through the giant pineapple-shaped maze made out of hibiscus shrubs. If you follow the map they give you, it's really easy. Of course, Fluffy couldn't wait for me to read the map and took off haphazardly through the bushes with me chasing her, and we immediately got lost. It took us an hour to get out of there! (The record is five minutes!) The guys beat us by seven minutes, and were enjoying lunch on the big, breezy porch when Fluffy & I staggered out of there. It was a great team-building exercise.

It was late by the time we left Dole, so we said screw Waimea and drove over to Haleiwa for Matsumoto shaved ice instead. Wow! That place was really crowded. Busloads of tourists actually stop there, and we got there just before four buses unloaded.

We got back in town just in time to meet Lisa, Lance & Amanda for dinner at Gyotaku. Had the weirdest dinner - poke don - poke over rice with tempura. After that we went to Chuck E. Cheese (leftover tradition from our last trip to Hawaii).

I'm sure we'll be on Hawaii time tomorrow, coz we stayed up REALLY late.

Aloha
Mood:  rushed
Spent a crazed morning trying to clear my desk so I could go on vacation. Co-workers thought I was crazy when they found out I was supposed to leave for Hawaii in just a few hours. I can't believe I managed to write copy for 15 sell sheets in one morning! I should go on vacation more often.

Guido insisted we had to be at the airport by 3:00 for a 6:20 flight. A little early, don't you think? So we sat in the airport for a few hours, as flights came and went. Kids didn't seem to get bored, though.

The plane seemed pretty new, and I swear I had more leg room than I usually do. Fluffy wanted the window, of course. Dinner was a choice of a turkey croissant, tortellini or some beef thing. I noticed that all the utensils are plastic now.

Both kids wanted headphones so they could watch the movie, and then they both fell asleep and missed the entire thing, so Guido and I watched the movie instead. The airlines are pretty sneaky. I used to be able to use my own headphones. Now they have these weird jacks, so you can't use your own headphones unless you have a special adaptor, which you probably won't have, so you have to rent their headphones at $5.

We landed at 8:something p.m., which would be 11:something in California, but since both kids had napped, they were rarin' to go. We hopped on a shuttle and the driver asked if I was a McKinley grad. I don't know about here, but in Hawaii, the first thing people ask you is where you grad from and what year. I do that every now and then and people think I'm rude for asking their age in a roundabout way, but it's just a way of placing you. In Honolulu, people always think I grad from either McKinley or Roosevelt or Pearl City, and once in a while Priory. Must be coz I'm such a townie. Ha ha ha ha ha!

The Sheraton Waikiki is pretty nice. So many Japanese tourists. And lots of locals, too. We're on the 15th floor, and the hotel is right on the beach. A bottle of Evian costs $4.50.

Summer Vacation Officially Begins
Scooter kicked off his summer vacation this past Friday with a field trip to Universal Studios with the Hickory Y.

We didn't do much this weekend. Got our hair cut, stocked up on stuff at Costco, rented a few movies, cleaned house, and just kicked back on Saturday. Fluffy rented a Care Bears movie (gag), Scooter rented Johnny English, and I rented Matchstick Men (on Toye's recommendation).

Picked up Guido at the airport on Sunday, then went to Fluffy's basketball game in Gardena. We were going to take Guido to Lucille's for Father's Day, but he didn't want to eat ribs, so we ended up at Elephant Bar instead.

Monday morning both kids started summer camps. Dropped off one kid at Anza for basketball camp and rushed over to Arnold to drop off the other kid for day camp. I made sure when I checked in that there was at least one person at each camp that my kids knew, so they didn't feel too lost. Scooter doesn't really care, but Fluffy does. We didn't see anyone familiar, so I made sure we got all the leaders' names so she at least knew them.

Last night we were invited to an impromptu birthday party for Ryan. It was a real kick-back evening. Kevin bbq'd, Nancy provided the accompaniments. The kids played while the grownups chatted on the little patio. What a great way to spend the first day of summer!

You're Not Really Married Until You Dance
Was dropping Scooter off at basketball camp this morning and ran into Renee from the Arapahos. Fluffy remarked, "That's not the same lady she was with before." So I had to explain that Renee has two moms. Fluffy didn't quite understand how that worked out, so I told her usually a man and a lady get married, but sometimes a man and another man want to get married, or a lady and another lady want to get married. And she said, "And they danced with each other?" And I said, "Yeah, if they want to." And she said, "I would be SO EMBARRASSED to dance with another lady!"

I think it's funny how both she and Scooter think you have to dance in order to be married. Maybe that dancing symbolizes something else you do on your wedding night.

Nothing Comes for Free
What the F*&# is going on with this blog? I logged on this morning, and all my entry dates are gone! This has replaced my written journal. What good does it do me if nothing is dated? I should have known. I got this service for free. As Fight Back's David Horowitz says: If a deal looks too good to be true, it probably is.

Last Day of School!
Whoa! I just logged on to post a new entry and my input screen is all different. I don't understand all this stuff. "Now Playing"? What's that for?

Yesterday was the last day of school for Scooter & Fluffy. I took off from work early and picked them up at the front of the school, which is a real treat for them as it happens so rarely. We went to see "Shrek 2." They made so many jabs at everyone, especially Disney. I loved it.

Last night we went to Mulligan's with the Trailblazers. That was a lot of fun, especially the little go-carts. The only problem...the minimum height is 58". I am 58 and 5/8. And I couldn't reach the pedals! I had to slouch way down in order to keep my foot on the gas, and then Scooter put his foot down on top of mine to hold it there. We took turns steering and kept crashing into everything.